Dare2Diva is Grateful

I am still feeling very unsafe in this world at the moment. I am not sure what or who I can trust. I don't even know if I can trust myself at this point but all I can do is hope that I will learn soon enough. Yes, I know that this is not rational to think like this but it doesn't make it any less real to me. I had quite a nice day. I caught up on some sleep in-between waking up and falling back to sleep. I caught up on some tv, and my youngest niece came over and she kept me company while I had to purchase a few things. I have very restless hands. I can't keep them still. It is an anxiety response yet I don't emotionally feel anxious. I have been knitting tonight and it has been great. It has kept my hands busy and my mind has been able to zen out a bit. The constant movement of my fingers and hands really hurts the muscles and joints in my hands so at least the act of knitting is stopping some of that pain for now. Universe 1) I am grateful I was able to fall back t

I am still being very careful because you just don't know who is watching, reading or listening. SOme funny things have happened at work that I am a little cautious and suspicious of but also there are things that i find amusing. Universe 1) I am grateful that today is Friday. Not that I don't love my job and being there. I do. It is just that every week seems to be getting tougher and more exhausting so I am looking forward to a long sleep. 2) I am grateful for the tea and toast I had for breakfast this morning. 3) I am grateful I had another lunchtime walk to myself today. I chose not to join a group of people for lunch because I needed time to myself. 4) I am grateful I got such a lot done today. All of my contracts are finished. I just need to print them and another project just got approved so that is a big weight off my shoulders. 5) I am grateful I have another Friday night alone in peace and quiet. I am looking forward to watching a movie and drifting off to slee

I now realise how careful I need to be on here. I am being monitored and it is unnerving for sure. OK, I know I have paranoid thoughts but this isn't one of them. Anyway, lets be grateful without revealing too much Universe 1) I am grateful I got to work earlier than usual today. The traffic was great. 2) I am grateful I resisted the urge for coffee again today. 3) I am grateful I got more of my contracts done. I am getting there. 4) I am grateful for the text chat with my lil sis today 5) I am grateful for my little purchase of a pocket watch necklace thing. So pretty and so cute. Blessings

Is it wrong to be grateful today wasn't Tuesday or that it is closer to Friday? I don't think it is possible to complain piss or moan about life more than I already have. I am over it. I am sick of hanging by a thread. I am sick of walking on eggshells for my own sake. Blah blah blah. Universe 1) I am grateful I got to work at a reasonable time considering I didn't want to get out of bed. 2) I am grateful for the 2 coffee's I had this morning. 3) I am grateful that I got 1 lot of contracts finished and I am onto another lot. I am getting there and I am ahead of schedule. 4) I am grateful for the little random giggles I have when somebody does something inappropriate. 5) I am grateful for the evening I have had. Little ones make me laugh. 6) I am grateful my bed is heating up ready for me to fall into after a cup of tea. Blessings

ANother cold start but my car turned over so that is great. I find it difficult to remember what went on a few hours ago but I do know that I got all of the contracts completed for 1 project so tomorrow i can start on the other. I saw Doogie today. Yep I am on a knifes edge and yes I could do with being off work for 3mths but I will see how I go. By mid June I can take 3 weeks off work so I might take that option. I can't just keep mucking around with meeds to keep me quiet and able to hold down a job. The job I have is easy. Honestly. I can be even more stoned off my nut and still be able to do my job but I want to be able to live my life. Be an active participant in life not just exist in my life and be a bystander. Now that I have said that, I am so exhausted, I am more than happy to be a bystander. Universe 1) I am grateful my car started this morning without a hitch. 2) I am grateful I got to work in record time listening to random tracks from all the Glee albums to date.

The start of a new week and all things considered, it wasn't too bad. I got to bed early and had a reasonable sleep compared with the previous nights and I didn't have to face the office. I was chosen to be on the interview panel as a subject matter expert so all I had to do was sit through painful people attempting to sound like they knew what they were doing when in fact they were juniors applying for senior roles. Anyhoooooooo. I am trying not to complain too much and trying to turn my thinking around but it is really hard. I really think by mid June I will need to put myself into hospital. I just need time out and daily assistance to get things back on track. In a strange way, I am actually looking forward to it. That is just wrong on so many levels but comforting as well. Universe 1) I am grateful I had a reasonable sleep last night. 2) I am grateful I woke up without grumbling even though it was cold enough for a thick layer of ice to form on my windshield of my car.

I'm not really sure what happened today. I slept most of it. I guess I needed it and I guess the extra meeds I took last night didn't help. I would like a day where I could just do something spontaneous. Just go and do something without having to plan and by the time i have planned, be too exhausted to go. Now that spontaneity mustn't be connected to mania at all. I want a normal spontaneity. I guess we all want what we can't have. Existing isn't living. I am just existing n this world and I am trying so hard but when I try and all I can manage is existence, really, what is the point? I know there is a point, but that point has nothing to do with me. I want to be selfish. What is in it for me? What is the point of trying and existing that makes it worthwhile for me? Yep, I am having a pity party and I don't expect anyone to acknowledge it because frankly, if I were somebody else, I wouldn't want to entertain such self pity but hey, its all I have at at the m