Dare2Diva is Grateful

Not much to report on today. I have slept most of today which I have needed, and I still need more, but when I haven't slept, I have been thinking stupid morbid thoughts again. The thing that stands out the most is that I haven't had a hug from anyone above the age of 13 that has meant anything or felt good since my mother lost the ability and I felt the need to emotionally detach as a self preservation thing. I really miss that connection with another human being. I guess the most cruel part of this disease is the being aware part. I know that these thoughts are pathetic and self destructive and yet I am still thinking them. I guess it would be like an anorexic knows that their thought patterns are stupid and yet they are real and can't be helped. I would much prefer to be unaware but that would mean I would have to be locked up and I don't want that either. Good grief. Universe 1) I am grateful that while I had a disturbed sleep last night, I still managed to get b

Let me just put it out there now. THANK FUCK IT IS FRIDAY. What a hell of a week and everyone at work has said the same thing, although that isn't comforting at all. I have been on the verge of breaking all day today. I went for a walk today and I have never felt more alone. My car trips, which I usually enjoy because of the solitude, I have hated because of a loneliness that I have never experienced before. I feel completely empty. Really strange. I have to set myself some tasks to keep myself occupied this weekend. Cleaning is going to be a big one. Joy. Universe 1) I am grateful today is Friday 2) I am grateful for the 1hr break from work today just to sit and have coffee. 3) I am grateful I have had a distraction of the new girl in our team requiring my assistance because I have been assigned as her mentor. 4) I am grateful I was able to cancel my meeting today. 5) I am grateful my boss required my assistance this afternoon. It made home time arrive quicker. Blessings

This is a very short entry because I need to get to bed, and I am not in such a great place right now. Universe 1) I am grateful it was quiet at work today. 2) I am grateful for the walk I took myself on at 10am. It is great to have that type of freedom. 3) I am grateful I have had some fabulous facebook chats recently. I don't have a 'real' social life so the cyber one is nice to have. 4) I am grateful I didn't get affected by the heat today. Apparently it was really hot but I just didn't feel it when I went outside. 5) I am grateful I survived a visit to the shrink tonight and that I am now home and can go to bed. Blessings

What a horrible day this has been. It started with me only getting 2hrs sleep last night, bad muscle twitches which makes driving difficult and walking a hazard. Then work was just a right royal pain in my arse. Then the worst news of all. 29 miners from NZ's Pike River coal mine who had been trapped for 5 days were declared dead today. There was a second explosion and there is no way that anyone could have survived that. For us Aussies, the Kiwi's (New Zealanders) are like a distant cousin. Somebody you bag out, joke about and generally have a friendly rivalry but you are there to support and in this case mourn when required. It is such a sad day. It makes my issues seem insignificant and yet, it doesn't make it any better. I know my brain is playing tricks on me and yet, I can't figure that into my thought processes. Universe 1) I am grateful that I had to go to work today. I woke up and felt so bad and cranky and I would have spent time dwelling on that if I were

Today is a short entry because it was teaching night and I need to get to bed. I am exhausted. Universe 1) I am grateful I woke up so early and didn't sleep through my alarm. 2) I am grateful I didn't fall asleep while driving this morning. 3) I am grateful for a pretty easy going day. I managed to get some things done I was putting off and it wasn't so difficult after all. 4) I am grateful for the amazing sandwich I had for lunch today. Swiss cheese, chicken, lettuce, and cranberry jelly on turkish bread. Amazing 5) I am grateful I am home now and that my day is almost over. All I need now is a cup of tea, a shower and then I am going to bed. Blessings

My youngest niece turned 13 today. It is so lovely to see that she has grown into a beautiful young woman. I had a late start today because I have to have a blood test and it was a good thing too. I was so tired this morning. The day went quite well although I really don't feel right. In fact, I am a little worried about what is happening with me. My thoughts are racing, I can't have phone conversations even at work, my thoughts are destructive and I don't seem to have control over them. I have worked out my issue with the phone though. Phone conversations are so exhausting and produce a lot of anxiety because I have so much trouble focusing that when I pick up the phone it can take me almost a minute to realise I haven't heard or understood anything that has been said. I have to concentrate so hard just to have a basic conversation that I get overwhelmed and panic. I also have that issue with work meetings and it doesn't matter if they are one on one or a group. I

Today was beautiful and sunny so washing was on early. I had a pedicure and nail infill and tonight I have spent at a family friends dancing concert with my younger sister and niece. It was a good day. Universe 1) I am grateful you gave us another glorious sunny day so I could do some washing. 2) I am grateful I was able to enjoy a really nice cup of tea this morning. 3) I am grateful I had was able to get my nails and feet done today. A little bit of pampering goes a long way. 4) I am grateful for the dance concert I saw tonight. Firstly, it was a chance to spend some girl time with my sister and my niece and I really enjoyed the concert. 5) I am grateful for the familiar faces I saw at the concert today. Blessings