Dare2Diva is Grateful

Today sees the end of 2010 and what a hell of a year it has been. I am glad to see the back of it. I have been socially isolated (this is my own doing and my only way of coping) and my online 'friends' have provided a break from this isolation. My younger sister and her kids have provided me a reason to live and my new job has been a refuge where I can occupy my mind with things other than my negative thoughts in a safe and calm environment where I am valued and work life balance is respected. I have found a GP and a Shrink that I trust and while I am having trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I have to trust that there is one. Universe 1) I am grateful that it was cooler over night so I could get a reasonable sleep. 2) I am grateful that 2010 is over. I can only believe that 2011 is going to be grand. 3) I am grateful for the online friendships I have made this year. They have given me a break from my loneliness whilst still staying personally safe. 4) I a

I managed to get to sleep before 1am this morning so that is a good thing. I woke up to my little sister and my little nephew. You can't help but wake up with a bit of a smile when the little one says very excitedly 'Mummy, Tarny's awake now'. Bless him. Yet another day of thinking way too much and I have a very long list to chat to the therapist about let me tell you. I did make a break through though. I turn 40 in 2 months and essentially, I have lived half my life according to statistics. If I look at things realistically, 18yrs of that has been my childhood so that doesn't count so really I have lived my own life for 22yrs. Take 4 yrs for uni, 7yrs with it and another 15 yrs living with an undiagnosed/incorrectly diagnosed illness and I haven't really lived at all so the next 40yrs of my life I can start to plan my life the way I want it. I just have to work out what I want. My life isn't over, it is just beginning. That may sound dramatic but it was a b

After a very sleepless night and a lot of laughs via the facebook comedy store, ie status comments, I finally got to sleep around 4am then awake again at 8 and phone calls from work started at 8:30. Again, I have had a lot of thinking time and I really need to talk a lot of this stuff through so I will sort that out at some stage. It was a glorious sunny day today which was really nice but I have to leave the house tomorrow or I will set in stone. Universe 1) I am grateful I had some online company last night while I was awake. It meant that I had a bit of a giggle rather than lie awake hating the fact I couldn't sleep. 2) I am grateful I finally got to sleep. 3) I am grateful I was able to sort out the work issues over the phone and didn't have to go in today. 4) I am grateful for the sunny weather today. Much warmer than the past few days. 5) I am grateful I have had peace and quiet for most of the day to be calm. I need that alone time. Blessings

Just a short entry today. I'm not feeling so great today so I'm digging deep for this one. Universe 1) I am grateful it was cooler again last night as it made sleeping much easier. 2) I am grateful I didn't have to go to work today and deal with this headache. 3) I am grateful I have had another opportunity to rest. In many ways, I want to go and do things and get back to living but I have needed to recharge my batteries and so that has been my priority. 4) I am grateful for the hilarious conversations over facebook late last night. 5) I am grateful I am allowing the negative thoughts to happen, because there is no point in fighting them, but I am finding it a little easier to ignore or dismiss them. I can't fight this anymore. I just have to find a way to live with it. Blessings

A public holiday today and such a great feeling not to have to rush to get to work. My youngest niece decided to play sleep overs and we did a bit of shopping, I actually visited her mum for a coffee, rearranged my music room to give me more space and caught up on a bit more tv viewing. All in all, a good day. Universe 1) I am grateful that I didn't have to rush to work this morning and deal with traffic. 2) I am grateful for yet another sleep in 3) I am grateful for the company of my niece and her help today. 4) I ma grateful I had the parking fairies on my side today. No troubles what so ever. 5) I am grateful I live in Sydney at the moment. We have snow in Tasmania, floods in Queensland and norther NSW, threats of bush fires in Western Australia so although it is a little colder than usual in Sydney, it seems to be the pick of the bunch. Blessings

Another sleep in has made me feel less exhausted which is good. I must get myself doing something tomorrow because I have had too much thinking time the past couple of days and that just isn't healthy for me. The younger sisters family popped in for a cuppa and cake which was nice and the rest of the day I have spent catching up on tv that I had recorded. I think the plan for tomorrow will be to do a bit of a clean up and arranging in my music room before heading out to do a bit of shopping and then back to start sorting my room. I need to move things around and transfer my wardrobe to my music room because I just have too many clothes to keep in my tiny room. I think the disorganization in my room is a reflection of the disorganization in my head so if I can get one right perhaps teh other will follow. Universe 1) I am grateful for a refreshing sleep in again today. I have really needed to recharge my batteries. 2) I am grateful for a relaxing day of tv watching. 3) I am grat

Christmas day for the rest of the world today and it was such a beautiful sunny day here. Not too hot and glorious. I did sleep in, which was great, and I had another huge nana nap this afternoon to ward off a huge headache non-alcohol induced. Apart from that I have had too much time to think about things again which is a little disturbing but I will get over it. Universe 1) I am grateful for the amazing sleep in I had this morning. 2) I am grateful for Christmas ham. I had an awesome breakfast of ham and egg and then dinner of ham, cheese, pickled onions and gherkins. Yum. 3) I am grateful for the nana nap I had. I needed to catch up on sleep. 4) I am grateful for the beautiful weather we have had today. 5) I am grateful I have made it through Christmas without falling apart which I did last year. I nearly didn't make it so my efforts this year have been good. Blessings

Christmas eve for most is Christmas day for our family. I did have to work this morning but I could hardly call it work. I gave my team some Austrian biscuits that we made as a Christmas gift and broody ridicurus lady cried saying she was touched and the Frenchman gave me a hug and kiss. A very randy Santa came around and gave out lollies and hugs and I didn't realise a bum grope was part of my Christmas wish list. We then spent the morning choosing numbers for the big jackpot lottery on NYE. Needless to say, if we win, a whole department will be gone. I had a reasonably relaxing afternoon before the Christmas festivities at my younger sisters house with her mob my older sisters mob and the fledglings. It was great to see everyone and they all seemed to have a great time. I am now really tired and looking forward to getting to bed. Universe 1) I am grateful that my team were really touched by the Christmas gift I gave them. 2) I am grateful I had an easy morning at work. I real

I'm so glad that Thursday is over. It means that I only have a half day tomorrow and then I get a break. I managed not to get too stressed today which is good and went on a long walk again which helped. I've come home, had dinner, gone to my sisters, took her to pick an order up, came back, had a drink and chat and I am home again and it is only 8:30. Brilliant. Universe 1) I am grateful that even though I slept in this morning and left a lot later than usual, I got to work on time due to the very friendly traffic. 2) I am grateful I had a cheery welcome from my coffee man when I went to grab breakfast. 3) I am grateful for the chats and laughs I have had with Irish today. 4) I am grateful for the amazing bargain on Christmas table cloths that I was able to utilize. 5) I am grateful I was able to help my sister and take her to pick up her order today and for the time we shared when we got back to her house. Blessings

Another day closer to the Christmas break and I am counting down the days. More delights have hit the fan on one of my major projects and it is only going to get worse with the media taking a big interest. Today was also the day I visited my shrink. More meds. It is like winning the lottery..... but not. I was also hit on by a teeny tiny man of strange origin who seemed to think he knew me from my regular visits to the hospital. I haven't been to that particular hospital in quite some time so it was a very strange conversation up the escalator and to my shrinks building where he tried to give me his number and asked me for coffee. He waited (stalked) for me to finish and then walked (stalked) with me until I yelled at him in front of a security guard. Good grief. Just what I need. A psycho stalker in my life. I am psycho enough and I don't need to add to the mix. Universe 1) I am grateful for the good sleep I had last night. 2) I am grateful for the relaxing breakfast I enj

Will somebody just fast forward to Friday? Today was another big day. A few meetings out of the way in the morning, offsite which is always good, then back to work with my colleague after grabbing lunch. Mayhem followed, then a huge traffic jam on the way home with a stop at the shops before cooking dinner and sitting here at my pc. I'm exhausted and wonder how I did everything. Universe 1) I am grateful I got to my meeting on time this morning. I was so tired that I chose a half hour sleep in and crossed my fingers with the traffic. 2) I am grateful that my meetings went well today. 3) I am grateful for the lunch my colleague and I had together. We had a good laugh and a good chat. 4) I am grateful I ticked a few things off my list of to do's today. 5) i am grateful I am home now and can get ready for bed very soon to watch a dvd or 2. Blessings

Such a big day today. I have had back to back meetings with suppliers and I managed to keep up the business bullshit for the whole 8.5hrs! Impressive. Needless to say, I have done no 'real' work and I have meetings all day tomorrow so Wednesday will be spent catching up on all the work I haven't completed. Good grief. It was really cold today. It is December, summer and it was cold. It was a bit of a shock when I reached down to put my electric blanket on in the middle of the night only to remember that I had taken it off 2 weeks ago. Universe 1) I am grateful I was able to get back to sleep after waking up really cold. I managed to wrap myself on my quilt and I was fine. 2) I am grateful I managed to get myself organised this morning so I got to work early. 3) I am grateful for my breakfast of tea and toast. It tasted really good this morning. 4) I am grateful for the fruit salad I had for lunch, while I am on a food theme. It was light and refreshing and I really en

I'm not sure where this weekend had gone but I do know I got a lot done. It has been the most active I have been in quite some time. Today was nail day, a bit more shopping, watching some 'catch up tv', more shopping, visit with the lil sis and home again. Most of the day I was graced by my nieces presence which has been nice. She is a great companion in small doses lol. Seriously, she i great. We watched an episode of Law and Order SVU which she loves although it does freak her out a bit. I am a bad aunty letting her watch MA 15+ shows but I think they are most suitable which is why I am an aunt and not a mum. Universe 1) I am grateful for my much needed sleep in this morning. 2) I am grateful for the peaceful cup of tea I was able to enjoy this morning. 3) I am grateful I was served by such a lovely lady at the petrol/gas station. She made paying $1.35 a liter less painful. 4) I am grateful for the pampering time I had getting my nails and feet done. 5) I am gratef

I, I mean we, had a big day today. My lil sis and I went shopping. We had to get a bunch of Christmas presents and I am pleased to say that I have everything apart from 2 which I will get tomorrow. I am so excited by this. I was starting to panic about it all. It was also nice to be able to spend some grown up time with my sister. Universe 1) I am grateful that whilst I woke up numerous times throughout the night, I was able to sleep in and I needed it. 2) I am grateful I managed to feel somewhat human by 11am. I would have preferred an earlier start but somethings/someone just can't be rushed at times. 3) I am grateful we were able to get a very good deal on some electrical goods. Even came out with change and 2 additional items from the budget. 4) I am grateful being able to spend some quality time with my sister. 5) I am grateful I have the house to myself tonight. I made myself steak dianne, I am about to make a cup of tea and break open the chocolate and ready to watch

TFIF but what a way to end the working week. Dramas and contracts to sort out meant that while everyone was a the team Christmas party from 2:30, I was at the office until 7 working. SO knackered but glad that everything is done. I can now get ready for the mayhem which is the last weekend before Christmas day. Universe 1) I am grateful that the traffic was so quiet today. 2) I am grateful I didn't bite when my father started his rant this morning. I completely ignored him much like you would a child throwing a tantrum and it worked. 3) I am grateful that I didn't get hassled by the nutter colleague. I would have completely snapped if I had. 4) I am grateful that I managed to handle all the drama and major issues at work calmly and effectively. 5) I am grateful that even though I resented having to stay back and work ridiculous hours, I got all the work completed that I needed to do today. 6) I am grateful I have the house to myself until midnight. I need the peace Bl

I am so thrilled that today is Thursday. It means that tomorrow is Friday and I cannot wait for the weekend. There was yet another death by powerpoint training session today and I have discovered that 'brudy ridicorus' co-worker is nuttier than I am. She was writing ridiculous phrases 5 times and then going to the next insane phrase. She also chose to research during our 15min afternoon tea break to prove me wrong. I'm not, but that is besides the point. She makes it a point to prove me wrong at every turn she can and I am pleased to say that while I find her behaviour frustrating, I don't care. The team loved the slices I made yesterday and I have had 5 requests for the recipe which is a little difficult because I made it up and it is just by look, feel and mood as to what goes into it and how much so I will have to try and remember what I did last night. Universe 1) I am grateful I got to work safely today. I was so tired that it was literally hard to keep my eyes

I woke up quite early this morning with my usual lithium 'hello'. It was nice to go back to bed and watch a dvd. My dvd player has been in for repairs for over 2 months so I have been limited to watching movies and show downloads on my iPhone. I had a day filled with madness today but it was nice to be able to deal with the madness without my boss around. He was off site all day. For the first time in a long while I felt stretched because i was dealing with corruption investigations and reports, legal documentation, drafting communications to get further information etc all whilst keeping things as non threatening as possible to avoid complaints to the governmental minister. After all that, I have made 2 slices which just need to be iced and had a cheese pizza for dinner. I have had a pretty good day. Universe 1) I am grateful I have my dvd player back because early morning awakenings are really boring and frustrating with nothing to do. 2) I am grateful my lithium 'hel

Today was O day. Oprah, that is for my sister and her girlfriend and one of my friends and one of her boys. I am so excited for my sister. She is such a great mum and doesn't get time to herself or get to do anything special so being a guest at the taping and getting a commemorate necklace is so fabulous for her. My day was as uneventful in the grand scheme of things. I left work early to go teaching so I was able to get home early and that is a great thing. Universe 1) I am grateful I got to work early today. No dramas on the way due to no breakfast. 2) I am grateful for the toast and coffee I purchased once I got to work. Boy was I hungry. 3) I am grateful my sister has had such a great day. I am also grateful my friends did too. 4) I am grateful I was able to leave work early meaning I was able to get home at a decent hour. 5) I am grateful that my dvd player was fixed and ready to pick up. I am looking forward to dvd's in bed tonight. Blessings

I woke up ready to tackle the 2nd last Monday before the Christmas break. Little did I know that my stomach wouldn't play the game. On my way to work, got 15mins from home and I had to turn around. Very glad I got home in time and it also meant that I could take my brother in law to work and see my sister and little nephew too. I made it to work the second time and my boss informs me that the CEO is happy with my project. That should be a great thing but all it means is that he will be hovering over it and expecting perfection. Good grief. Universe 1) I am grateful I woke up so well this morning. I had quite a restful sleep. 2) I am grateful I made it back home in time before my stomach did things it shouldn't have in public. 3) I am grateful I got to see my sister and cheery little nephew this morning. Such a lovely start to my day. 4) I am grateful I could help my Pa out and take my brother in law to work so he didn't have to. 5) I am grateful I got some urgent thi

The plan for today was to get out early and do Christmas shopping before coming home and cleaning. That didn't happen. It is hard to be motivated when I reach for my phone to check the time and I am shaking like a leaf. So, I spent a lazy morning catching up on some recorded tv shows and then decided to go out and get a bit of shopping done. I am pleased with my purchases for the soon to be step great niece and nephew and that pressure had been taken off. Universe 1) I am grateful nobody was relying on me today. I was able to change my plans and it didn't affect anyone. 2) I am grateful I had some great tv to watch this morning. 3) I am grateful my house is clean, just a tad messy, which I can deal with. I do bits and pieces throughout the week so if I don't have the energy to clean on the weekend, it has already been done during the week and Pa does the floors so I have everything covered. 4) I am grateful for the smell of Christmas that has filled the house with Aus

I woke up early, yes, on weekends I wake up early and during the week I have to drag myself out of bed, but my morning plans were cancelled which ended up being a good thing. My sister and her family came over and after that I had a long sleep. The rest of the day I have spent just lazing about. I am really concerned about my lack of energy. I know that it is the medication and that it is supposed to get better but I just don't know. Universe 1) I am grateful I woke up early this morning because I was supposed to go out and there is nothing worse than having to drag myself out of bed to do something fun. 2) I am grateful that the morning plans were cancelled. I needed the resting time. 3) I am grateful for the visit from my sister and her family. 4) I am grateful my brother in law and nephew did the lawns today. They were looking really ratty. 5) I am grateful the weather wasn't too hot today so I could have a day sleep/ Boy, did I need that. Blessings

I have to be honest here and say that I have been procrastinating about completing this entry for the past 3 hours. I just haven't felt very grateful today. The past few weeks have really been hell and as much as I try to boost myself up and think positively and be grateful, it just isn't working and is really exhausting. I have made a deal with myself that I would complete this every day so I got off my ample arse and here I am. Needless to say, I am really struggling with this entry so I am trying to think basic again. Universe 1) I am grateful it was sunny and yet a little cooler than it has been. 2) I am grateful that I was able to take my brother in law to work again today taking the pressure off my sister who is unwell. 3) I am grateful our team was able to enjoy a lunch together and paid for by the boss. He is such a generous man. 4) I am grateful for the chat I had with one of my team mates throughout the day which helped to break up the day. 5) I am grateful I a

After a terrible night suffering toothache, I have had a pretty good day. Not sure why because it hasn't been anything special, I have been super tired, and I haven't achieved anything but I am home and about to start the getting ready for bed routine which can't be a bad thing. Universe 1) I am grateful the painkillers eventually worked. I had to take way too many but they worked. 2) I am grateful I could take my time getting ready for work. 3) I am grateful that because I was later than usual, I was able to take my brother in law to work and help my sister out. 4) I am grateful for the email flirts I had again today. They just make me laugh. 5) I am grateful that I haven't had to actually work today. I have been training somebody and then watching them complete tasks from beginning to end which didn't require any brain function really. I am so tired and that means my brain is functioning way below par. Blessings

What a strange and fucked up kind of day today has been. Off to work, stop to get coffee and get bailed up in the coffee shop by a colleague who says he is attracted to me. Sweet? Well not when he says it is because I am clearly mentally unhinged and he finds that attractive! Yay! NOT. Then my morning meeting was cancelled because the meeting person was sick. Yay. Free time to get things done. I had to scan a bunch of contracts and reports. That was fine except when I finished scanning, a dickhead turned off the scanner so all my docs have to be scanned again. Then I had a fun morning flirting via email. Then my dress nearly blew completely off in the wind. Not attractive. Dealing with fucked up banks, got me mad. Meant to leave early and couldn't. Toothache and major headache started on my way home. Ended up having to ring my internet provider because my Pa had stuffed around with the modem. Not sure why since he doesn't know what it does. Internet provider dude was fabulous.

Yet another training session today for 6hrs but since I started work very early, I was able to leave earlier and that meant I started and finished teaching early too. Wonderful. Universe 1) I am grateful that I woke early and decided to go into work early and not go back to bed for an hour 2) I am grateful I thought about getting a triple shot coffee before the training session today. 3) I am grateful I passed the assessment because the thought of having to do the course again is terrifying. 4) I am grateful I was able to start and finish teaching early tonight. I enjoy the lessons after exams because we get to muck around a bit, still while learning and practicing skills. Tonight was Christmas carols which sent me crazy but the kids loved them. 5) I am grateful I am home early and I don't have to worry about rushing to bed. Blessings

What a ridiculously early start to the morning, but it was a reasonably good day which did go better than planned. I have yet again been thinking way too much and that scares me. Being a creative person, my thoughts can get very vivid and almost real, but this doesn't help me in my current state. I just have to keep working hard to fight the thoughts and get past them. I guess it is hard to be bored in this state. Universe 1) I am grateful I went to bed early last night. 2) I am grateful I woke up on time and without thinking, went straight to the shower. 3) I am grateful for the fantastic run into work I had today. I had to get to my office, pick up some stuff and then go to the training center for a meeting. 4) I am grateful my all day meeting only took 4hrs. It meant I could get some important work done without having to work back. 5) I am grateful I was able to leave work and still have a lot of light outside. It has been really rainy recently so I have come home and it

I really would like to know where the hell this weekend has gone. Ok, I slept most of yesterday which didn't help in getting things done but that isn't the point right now. I did some grocery shopping after trying a new nail place and I must say that I am very happy. My feet feel and look beautiful and my hands look fabulous with a perm red and gold glitter French with my little nephew thinks is pretty. I have a very early start tomorrow and the early start is because I have a very long day planned evaluation and reporting which doesn't thrill me in the slightest but it has to be done. I just wish I didn't get roped into being the probity auditor. Universe 1) I am grateful that I didn't go back to bed after I woke up this morning. I had trouble winding down last night after my babysitting adventure so I was still awake at 1am. If I had gone back to sleep I wouldn't have been up before midday and then I just wouldn't have gotten anything done at all. 2) I

I started this morning off by going out west and meeting my piano student for her exam. She got an A and played really well. That was early and the coffee I consumed just didn't cut it so I headed home, my sister paid a visit and then I had an amazing nana nap. I know I am not a fan of calling it a nana nap but more of a kindy kip but I felt like an absolute nana today. It was a good kip and yet I am still tired. Not to worry, I am baby sitting tonight so it will be a quiet one, once the kids go to sleep. Universe 1) I am grateful my student played well, was recognised for that and my teaching was recognised. It is always good to know somebody else thinks you do a good job. 2) I am grateful for the coffee I had this morning and while it didn't cut it, it woke me up enough to function. 3) I am grateful for the kid free visit from my sister today. 4) I am grateful for the massive nana nap I was able to indulge in this afternoon. 5) I am grateful I have the opportunity to s

It has been a very weird, strange, odd kind of day today. It started off with me hearing something completely unexpected (and just what I needed to hear) and just increased in the 'this is all too weird of me to handle' stakes. When I say weird etc, it wasn't a bad day at all but it was one of those days where I was wondering about what was going to happen next. It is also strange because my schedule has been thrown out of wack and I didn't realise today was Friday. Now that was a very nice surprise. Universe 1) I am grateful for the sleep in I was able to have today because of my Dr's appointment. 2) I am grateful for a chat and the subsequent speech which was just what I needed to hear. It felt almost as good a really loving hug. 3) I am grateful I got to work in time to attend an important meeting. 4) I am grateful for the lunch partner I had today an the chat we had. That was on a completely different line than the earlier chat and it was quite amusing. 5

I mixed things up today and made it my teaching night. Not such a great idea because this has been a crappa of a week but some good things happened today. The traffic was really good both ends of the day, I was left alone for most of it, and I got half of a big report completed. To add to the bonus, the day went quickly. Universe 1) I am grateful that I got to have a small sleep in....well compared to the past few days anyway 2) I am grateful the traffic was good for me to and from work today. 3) I am grateful that I am able to each chocolate and drink ginger beer as my lunch and not care 4) I am grateful I didn't have many people requesting things from me. I really wasn't in the mood for that. 5) I am grateful I got half of the report done that I have been putting off. Blessings

Today was yet another day that I will never get back. Training day 2 and I have had more fun at the dentist and learnt more from the Telebubbies for god's sake. No training tomorrow so I am back in the office and I am looking forward to it. Universe 1) I am grateful that I didn't crash my car to or from work today. I snoozed off a couple of times and I had trouble keeping my eyes open. 2) I am grateful that I didn't get soaked in the rain today. 3) I am grateful I got to leave training early today. 4) I am grateful I have been given an exemption from a training day next week. 5) I am grateful I am home alone for a while. I am heating up some chips/fries in the oven and I will serve them with a soft boiled egg. Yum. I couldn't be stuffed with anything else for dinner. Blessings

I can't believe I survived. Training aka 'death by PowerPoint' was incredibly boring but it was a day out of the office. I am so grateful I found my way there without panic and that there were some friendly faces. I then finished the day with a meeting which didn't finish until 6:45. A very long day indeed. Universe 1) I am grateful I left home early because the traffic was really bad. 2) I am grateful I found my way ok and didn't get into too much of a panic 3) I am grateful there was still parking available when I got there. 4) I am grateful I had some friendly faces in the training session with me. 5) I am grateful I finished my day with a meeting with a fabulous business stakeholder. I am also grateful that the additional 2.5hrs that I worked today wasn't a struggle at all. This means I can put those hours over to Friday and leave early. Blessings

Today has been a very strange day. Firstly, it hasn't felt at all like a Monday and I kept checking my calendar. I have had a really busy day, thanks to an early start and early meeting and then I got home and it seemed a lot earlier than it was. I have been completely out of wack all day. This isn't a bad thing though because the day went quickly and was rather painless, apart from some rather painful people that I have had to deal with today. I was also surprised by a visit from my younger sisters entire family. The kids were driving her crazy so she said get your shoes on, we are going for a walk. It was a nice surprise. Universe 1) I am grateful that I got myself off to work nice and early today. 2) I am grateful I was able to prepare for my meeting nice and early which meant I didn't have to rush. 3) I am grateful that my early morning meeting was with somebody that I really love working with. 4) I am grateful I was able to go and get coffee this morning in peace

Wow. Yet another big sleep day. I still need more sleep but I will have an early night and that should keep me going until next weekend. My younger sister, youngest niece and 2 nephews came over today which was nice. The kids made biscuits with Poppy, even the 2yr old and he had ball. I love that the kids get to learn cooking from poppy. They have a special connection with him through cooking which is wonderful. Memories and skills to last a life time. 1) I am grateful for the sleep in I had again today. 2) I am grateful it was much cooler today. 3) I am grateful my sister and the kids came for a visit. 4) I am grateful to witness the enjoyment of the kids and Pa while they were cooking today. 5) I am grateful it is still early so I can get everything ready for tomorrow and then get to bed early. Blessings

Not much to report on today. I have slept most of today which I have needed, and I still need more, but when I haven't slept, I have been thinking stupid morbid thoughts again. The thing that stands out the most is that I haven't had a hug from anyone above the age of 13 that has meant anything or felt good since my mother lost the ability and I felt the need to emotionally detach as a self preservation thing. I really miss that connection with another human being. I guess the most cruel part of this disease is the being aware part. I know that these thoughts are pathetic and self destructive and yet I am still thinking them. I guess it would be like an anorexic knows that their thought patterns are stupid and yet they are real and can't be helped. I would much prefer to be unaware but that would mean I would have to be locked up and I don't want that either. Good grief. Universe 1) I am grateful that while I had a disturbed sleep last night, I still managed to get b

Let me just put it out there now. THANK FUCK IT IS FRIDAY. What a hell of a week and everyone at work has said the same thing, although that isn't comforting at all. I have been on the verge of breaking all day today. I went for a walk today and I have never felt more alone. My car trips, which I usually enjoy because of the solitude, I have hated because of a loneliness that I have never experienced before. I feel completely empty. Really strange. I have to set myself some tasks to keep myself occupied this weekend. Cleaning is going to be a big one. Joy. Universe 1) I am grateful today is Friday 2) I am grateful for the 1hr break from work today just to sit and have coffee. 3) I am grateful I have had a distraction of the new girl in our team requiring my assistance because I have been assigned as her mentor. 4) I am grateful I was able to cancel my meeting today. 5) I am grateful my boss required my assistance this afternoon. It made home time arrive quicker. Blessings

This is a very short entry because I need to get to bed, and I am not in such a great place right now. Universe 1) I am grateful it was quiet at work today. 2) I am grateful for the walk I took myself on at 10am. It is great to have that type of freedom. 3) I am grateful I have had some fabulous facebook chats recently. I don't have a 'real' social life so the cyber one is nice to have. 4) I am grateful I didn't get affected by the heat today. Apparently it was really hot but I just didn't feel it when I went outside. 5) I am grateful I survived a visit to the shrink tonight and that I am now home and can go to bed. Blessings

What a horrible day this has been. It started with me only getting 2hrs sleep last night, bad muscle twitches which makes driving difficult and walking a hazard. Then work was just a right royal pain in my arse. Then the worst news of all. 29 miners from NZ's Pike River coal mine who had been trapped for 5 days were declared dead today. There was a second explosion and there is no way that anyone could have survived that. For us Aussies, the Kiwi's (New Zealanders) are like a distant cousin. Somebody you bag out, joke about and generally have a friendly rivalry but you are there to support and in this case mourn when required. It is such a sad day. It makes my issues seem insignificant and yet, it doesn't make it any better. I know my brain is playing tricks on me and yet, I can't figure that into my thought processes. Universe 1) I am grateful that I had to go to work today. I woke up and felt so bad and cranky and I would have spent time dwelling on that if I were

Today is a short entry because it was teaching night and I need to get to bed. I am exhausted. Universe 1) I am grateful I woke up so early and didn't sleep through my alarm. 2) I am grateful I didn't fall asleep while driving this morning. 3) I am grateful for a pretty easy going day. I managed to get some things done I was putting off and it wasn't so difficult after all. 4) I am grateful for the amazing sandwich I had for lunch today. Swiss cheese, chicken, lettuce, and cranberry jelly on turkish bread. Amazing 5) I am grateful I am home now and that my day is almost over. All I need now is a cup of tea, a shower and then I am going to bed. Blessings

My youngest niece turned 13 today. It is so lovely to see that she has grown into a beautiful young woman. I had a late start today because I have to have a blood test and it was a good thing too. I was so tired this morning. The day went quite well although I really don't feel right. In fact, I am a little worried about what is happening with me. My thoughts are racing, I can't have phone conversations even at work, my thoughts are destructive and I don't seem to have control over them. I have worked out my issue with the phone though. Phone conversations are so exhausting and produce a lot of anxiety because I have so much trouble focusing that when I pick up the phone it can take me almost a minute to realise I haven't heard or understood anything that has been said. I have to concentrate so hard just to have a basic conversation that I get overwhelmed and panic. I also have that issue with work meetings and it doesn't matter if they are one on one or a group. I

Today was beautiful and sunny so washing was on early. I had a pedicure and nail infill and tonight I have spent at a family friends dancing concert with my younger sister and niece. It was a good day. Universe 1) I am grateful you gave us another glorious sunny day so I could do some washing. 2) I am grateful I was able to enjoy a really nice cup of tea this morning. 3) I am grateful I had was able to get my nails and feet done today. A little bit of pampering goes a long way. 4) I am grateful for the dance concert I saw tonight. Firstly, it was a chance to spend some girl time with my sister and my niece and I really enjoyed the concert. 5) I am grateful for the familiar faces I saw at the concert today. Blessings

I took my niece out today to get her a dress and shoes and bolero and headband and teeshirt for her birthday. I can't help but spoil her and it is her 13th. Universe 1) I am grateful I had a sleep in of sorts this morning. 2) I am grateful the pending migraine I woke up with waited until tonight to hit me. 3) I am grateful for the time I spent with my niece today. 4) I am grateful we were able to find something really beautiful for her 5) I am grateful the migraine held off until tonight to strike. Blessings

What a day. It started off badly and went down hill. I don't know how many people I yelled at for their shear stupidity and the fact that their stupidity caused me unnecessary stress, and work. Due to the crap day, my thoughts have been heading down a path of crap. I know I need to be thinking in a positive light about my future but honestly it is really difficult right now. What is there in my future? I have no partner or children and close friends I have pushed away. Then I need to think about the fact that I have the mood roller coaster to bring excitement and heart ache, and while I have a job that I love now, I am only on a fixed term contract which has been extended from 14mths to 2yrs but that is only if I can keep my moods under control. How long will I be able to work for before it is too much for me? All I seem to have is my work an that isn't enough to keep me going. I feel completely overwhelmed and lost in a sea of thoughts that while they are all true and valid, m

Today has been a very strange day. My IPhone is having issues so when I woke up and looked at the time it said it was 10:45pm on Tuesday night. I was quite excited and went back to sleep until I did the 1 eye open thing and the penny dropped. Universe 1) I am grateful I woke up when I did this morning because the alarm wouldn't have woken me. 2) I am grateful I had an easy day today. 3) I am grateful that the meetings I had went well 4) I am grateful for the tuna pasta and fruit I had for lunch. It was honestly one of the best lunches I have had in quite some time. 5) I am grateful I had an amazing run home with very little traffic. Blessings

I had quite a good day today at work. Things were quiet but I have been able to get a lot done. I also spent the afternoon being the English guide for my French boss while he wrote a document for the GGM. He also has me playing mentor for a new starter which I find hilarious since I am only 4ish months old. Universe 1) I am grateful I was able to have a lazy morning enjoying my cup of tea this morning before heading to work. 2) I am grateful for the multiple cups of coffee I bought and consumed this morning. Although they didn't help wake me up, they were good. 3) I am grateful that my boss is keeping my workload light and getting me to mentor. I think his instincts are kicked in because I am not going to cope with too much at the moment. 4) I am grateful for the break from the office I got today. 5) I am grateful for the tuna pasta I made for dinner. It was awesome. 6) I am grateful for the laughs on facebook I have had recently Blessings

Tuesday teaching night and the day ended quite well, apart from a 'Death by PowerPoint' training presentation I had to attend. Universe 1) I am grateful I got to work on time today after lazing in bed for an additional 15mins. 2) I am grateful the rain stopped and the sun came out 3) I am grateful I managed to get a lot of admin done today. Tomorrow I just have to finish it off. 4) I am grateful for the walk I went on today during my lunch break 5) I am grateful teaching was painless tonight. Blessings

After the heat yesterday, the rain and cold weather appeared. I ended up going to work and having a pretty good day. Some gastro issues but pretty good otherwise. I am still having some thought process issues but I am trying to ignore them and not analyse them. Universe 1) I am grateful it was cooler today. I am grateful I didn't haven't to drive home in the heat. 2) I am grateful that my desk is not too far from the bathroom. 3) I am grateful my thoughts haven't taken over. I am grateful that I am sane enough to recognise this. 4) I am grateful I got an amazing amount of work done to ensure a deadline was met. 5) I am grateful I had a reasonably good run home and that I am ready for a good nights sleep. I know it is going to be easier to sleep tonight. Blessings

Well I have slept, rested, and slobbed my way through this weekend and while I needed it, I didn't enjoy it one bit. All of that time doing nothing allows the mind to wonder. I have had some nice day dreams (yes very nice and I chose not to expand right now) but I have also had my mind going into over drive on the negative bad crap and at one point, I felt myself be engulfed in darkness. It was honestly quite scary but I was able to get myself out of it. I am glad that I have that strength right now and I am hoping that that strength continues until the thoughts etc go away. Universe 1) I am grateful I was able to sleep well last night considering the increase in temperature. 2) I am grateful I have been able to rest this weekend because I believe that is what I have needed. 3) I am grateful I had recorded some tv programs so I could watch them today. There is nothing on tv on a Sunday. 4) I am grateful that I am still able to day dream good day dreams. My imagination is so v

I woke up to sunshine this morning which was wonderful. I did wake up quit early for a Saturday so I decided to go back to bed and watch an episode of Drop Dead Diva. Good decision. When I did drag myself out of bed, I managed to eat piece of toast and drink a cup of tea. That was wonderful. I had a visit from my younger sister and her family which was a nice break from the boredom and then I had the house to myself for a few hours. I have eaten half a small piece of steak and salad tonight and while I feel nauseous again, it was really good. I was so hungry. Universe 1) I am grateful for the sunshine today. It is so much easier not to be miserable when it is sunny. 2) I am grateful I was able to have a rest in bed this morning. 3) I am grateful I was able to keep the tea and toast down that I had for breakfast. 4) I am grateful for the visit from my sister and her family. 5) I am grateful for the snuggle on the couch I had with my little nephew. Those moments are so precious.

I started throwing up again last night and was very close to calling an ambulance because my head started pounding worse than any migraine I have ever had but I ended up settling down and woke up to get ready for work with burst blood vessels under my eyes and on my cheeks and forehead. Not terribly attractive. I took myself off to work anyway and managed to get 2 meetings and a bunch of emails answered before running off to throw up again and my boss telling me I had to go home and rest or he would smack me and I replied that he should wait until I am well enough to enjoy it! I made it home and while I have only been sick once more, I still feel really nauseous, tired, dizzy and just generally yuck. The day wasn't all bad though because it was a beautiful warm sunny day so that was wonderful. Universe 1) I am grateful I was able to get back to sleep last night after being so sick. 2) I am grateful I was well enough to get to work this morning. 3) I am grateful I managed to ge

I dragged my sorry arse to work today and I made it which is good. I managed to get quite a bit of work completed today and that puts less pressure on tomorrow. Universe 1) I am grateful I was able to go to work today. 2) I am grateful that my day was quiet although I had a lot to do 3) I am grateful I didn't throw up today and grateful I made it to the bathroom in time for the other. 4) I am grateful I drove again today because it is a lot easier and quicker to drive 5) I am grateful that it cooled down for my trip home since I don't have air conditioning 6) I am grateful my head has just started to pound and that it didn't start while I was at work. Blessings

I had to have a day off work today. I woke up at 3am and was getting too well acquainted with the toilet bowl. Now, if the throwing up wasn't enough, asthma and a really sore chest meant that trying to catch my breath in between the goings on was difficult and painful. Bless my father, he seems to think that he needs to remind me to get up for work so he came pounding on my door to get me up for work when I had already decided I just couldn't go, then he pounds on my door just as I had fallen asleep to tell me he was leaving and the 2 hours later and again 2 hours after that he calls me to check if i am ok. I know this would seem very sweet to anyone else but to me, I feel completely suffocated and i just needed to catch up on sleep. Good grief. Anyway, I went to visit Doogy who seems to be obsessed with arses, ok, just injecting them rather than the arm, but I convinced him to go for the arm and while my tum isn't at the throw up stage, lets just say that the other end of

A short one today again. Universe 1) I am grateful I have a pharmacy just around the corner from work so I could get ventolin today. 2) I am grateful I have flexible working hours and that I could arrive later to work this morning. 3) I am grateful I didn't happen to throw up today even though I feel quite ill 4) I am grateful my migraine went while I was teaching. 5) I am grateful I wasn't able to put my contacts in because of the shaking in my hands because it means that I don't have to go through the hassle of taking them out and cleaning them before bed. Blessings

Just a short entry tonight because I am really sleepy after an early start and a night out with a girlfriend Universe 1) I am grateful I managed to get to work before the sparrows had started farting. Blimey it was difficult 2) I am grateful that the meetings that I had today went really well. 3) I am grateful my sister won Oprah tickets. Something good for her. 4) I am grateful for the sunny and warm weather today 5) I am grateful it didn't start raining until I had finished work and didn't need to walk anywhere too far in the rain. 6) I am grateful I got to have dinner with a girlfriend today and actually talk to somebody who has a clue. 7) I am grateful I got home safely in the rain. Blessings

I was so pleased to wake up and see the sun, mainly because it was looking like I was wearing pj's or an evening dress to work because they were the only things that were clean and I really didn't want to be in a scratchy lacy g-string/thong all day at work either. I got all my washing done and my nails and toes. Most impressed actually. I tried to avoid a sleep this afternoon, and succeeded, because I have a really early start tomorrow morning and I need to get to bed early. Universe 1) I am grateful I woke up to the sun this morning. 2) I am grateful I got all my washing done today thanks to mother nature being on my side. 3) I am grateful I got out in the sun today. My brain doesn't cope too well when it is sun deprived. 4) I am grateful I am able to indulge and get my nails done and a pedicure. It is a little luxury that I do enjoy. 5) I am grateful my younger sister and her family were able to share dinner with us. When they come over, we get to have a roast din

Wow, what an awesome sleep. Just what I needed. Visit to Doogy was good, then home for more sleep because my head started up again. I really need to sort out these migraines. I have decided that I need to stretch myself and actually do something on the weekends other than stay home. I am going to start preparing myself to go for a drive next weekend and see how I go. I still can't be around people that know me because I am so scared of doing or saying something that I shouldn't. I can cry at the drop of a hat, freak out, get violent etc so I need to keep things pretty distant. This also means that I am terribly lonely and I hat that and it makes me incredibly sad, but on the other hand, it is what I crave. I crave isolation. By being isolated, I don't have to be what others expect me to be. I have a persona at work which is what is expected and I can maintain that because I am not in a small focus group for any longer than an hour at a time. When I am out with friends, I a

OK, so I woke up feeling like death (thanks to a new med) and it was cold and miserable outside, but I hauled my arse to work and the drive was pretty good. We had an issue at work so my French boss led the revolution and had a couple of us working from 2 looking for a venue to hold a Christmas party. Hilarious. It looks like it will be great. Universe 1) I am grateful I didn't stay home and mope about this morning and instead chose to go to work. 2) I am grateful for my early morning coffee run. 3) I am grateful I managed to get quite a bit of work done this morning that was really annoying me. 4) I am grateful for our afternoon of event management. It was the most fun I have had at work in a long time. 5) I am grateful my migraine started on the way home and not while I was at work. Blessings

Today seems very much like a blur. I remember getting to work and getting quite a bit done and then buying a coffee with one of the girls then not a lot until I went and saw my shrink. I broke down in his office today and hence, I am on double dose of lithium because my levels are only half what they should be plus I have another tablet which I really don't want to take because tablets of this type have had me punch holes in walls etc and I am already on the edge but I have to do something so I will give it a go and I have the crisis team on my speed dial. Universe 1) I am grateful I managed to get myself off to work on autopilot today. 2) I am grateful I was able to avoid the rain today. 3) I am grateful for the company for my morning coffee. I am hoping to have extra special company tomorrow! 4) I am grateful I lost it in front of my shrink today. I try to hold things in so the big guys that hold the card (aka keys to the nut house) don't see but at least I am on his ra

After waking up thinking I was late for work, it finally dawned on me that I had the day off. I got a lot done today, including my hair, but tonights plans have been postponed so I am about to go and grab some pasta and chocolate and get ready for the Rocky Horror ep of Glee. Awesome. Universe 1) I am grateful I wasn't late for work today and I am grateful I managed to get a sleep in 2) I am grateful I was able to get a bunch of things done that have been hanging around. 3) I am grateful that I was able to get my hair done today. 4) I am grateful I wasn't at work today because I would have been on my way home and there is currently a major car accident on the main motorway that I use to get home. 5) I am grateful I get to enjoy some amazing pasta and wonderful TV tonight in peace and quiet. Blessings

It is the peak of the spring racing carnival here in Australia with Melbourne Cup day. Melbourne gets a public holiday, yes for a horse race, but we were allowed to take half day if we had worked enough hours. I have an additional 17 up my sleeve so I though why not. This meant I was able to get to teaching almost 4hrs earlier than usual and they were pleased considering they are a home school family and are home all day anyway and I have been able to pick my younger niece up from netball training. I am looking forward to a day off tomorrow and gold class movie and dinner with my sister for her birthday after an early morning blood test that is. Universe 1) I am grateful that the rain stopped by mid morning. 2) I am grateful for some more email banter which I find quite amusing and breaks up my day. 3) I am grateful I speak French Accent. My boss can be difficult to understand at times so I end up translating for people. 4) I am grateful I got to leave work early so I could finis

I had quite a good start to the morning. Work was good and I had a companion to go on a walk. One of the girls in my team who is quite a nice girl and not annoying. The weather turned really horrible on my way home but it was nice to stop in on my sister before bunkering down at home for the evening. I think a hot chocolate is in order tonight. Universe 1) I am grateful I woke up and got myself ready without grumbling. This early morning start is quite good. 2) I am grateful I got to work at a good hour even though I left my make up bag at home and I had to go back and that I had to get petrol/gas. 3) I am grateful for my breakfast this morning at work without interruption or annoyance. 4) I am grateful I had a fun and flirty email conversation with Irish. A good chuckle is fun indeed. 5) I am grateful I was able to help my sister out with something today. I am also grateful I was able to stop in and visit them all and all were awake. 6) I am grateful I got home in this horribl

Another quiet day. Another day where I ma not putting any pressure on me to be anyone, or do anything. 1) I am grateful for another good sleep 2) I am grateful for a simple breakfast of tea and a roll 3) I am grateful for the visit from my younger sister, younger niece and youngest nephew. 4) I am grateful my sister drove me to the supermarket to get some fruit for work 5) I am grateful for an early dinner so I can go to bed early and be ready for a new working week. Blessings

Not a lot happened today. I spent most of the day sleeping which is what I needed. I am hoping that all of this sleep will help to reboot my brain. Universe 1) I am grateful for the additional sedative which helped me sleep so long last night 2) I am grateful that I was able to go back to sleep after waking at 7:30 this morning. 3) I am grateful for the additional 3 hr kindy kip I had this afternoon. I have had 14hrs sleep in total today which is awesome. 4) I am grateful that I have had the house to myself again this afternoon and tonight. 5) I am grateful that I don't have to wake early tomorrow morning. I think another big sleep in is warranted. Blessings Addendum I am grateful for the amusing discussion between 2 fabulous people regarding Igor, possessions and innocence. Made my morning actually. Thank you boys xx

All I can say is that I am trying. I am really trying. Universe 1) I am grateful for the amazing run I had into work today. 2) I am grateful I managed to run the department meeting today without freaking out or making a fool of myself. 3) I am grateful I had my headphones in my handbag. I needed to listen to music to avoid an assault charge! 4) I am grateful for the stress free drive home today. I managed to get home in 40mins. 5) I am grateful I have the house to myself tonight. 6) I am grateful I am able to take an extra sedative tonight because I don't have anywhere to be tomorrow. Blessings

I couldn't go to work early this morning. I woke up at 3 and had trouble getting back to sleep because of pain so I decided to leave home at 9 instead of 6. Really didn't make much of a difference because I didn't sleep but I needed that time. I really do wish I would stop crying though. I can feel myself spiraling downward out of control. I am having major troubles focusing at work, I am crying frequently, I am getting angry often and I don't have an appetite. Not that the loss of appetite is an issue but still, I know how the pieces of the puzzle fit. Universe 1) I am grateful I have the flexibility to change my start times 2) I am grateful I managed to get an important document completed today. 3) I am grateful I had fruit and yogurt at work still because it was all I really wanted for lunch. 4) I am grateful it only took me 40mins to get home tonight 5) I am grateful I have a large amount of pain meds that I can take tonight. I am hoping they give me the desi

Well fuck me dead. Ok, not a great way to start a gratitude journal but if I am going to die, that would be the way to go! I feel like death still. My muscles are worse today and if they aren't in spasm causing me pain, they give out and I fell down a flight of stairs due to my muscles giving out and I have hurt my back, tail bone and shoulder. To top it off, the pain from that made me throw up on myself so I had to smell that all the way home. Good thing is that I didn't have to catch the train because I drove in. I am not sure how I made it to the car and I would have stopped at the Dr's to get checked out but I was in too much pain and needed to get home. Fingers crossed it doesn't get worse tomorrow. To top off the top off, the traffic was a nightmare and as a result, I spent 90mins in the car in pain, with tears down my face and puke on my top. Yay for me. I nearly didn't place an entry tonight because even typing hurts, but I saw a message from my oldest niece

Today has been so painful and far from hilarious. I can't walk down stairs, I can't walk up stairs, I can't squat over the loo, I can't sit down or stand up from the loo because there is nothing to help me up, and I feel like crying. Yesterday it was funny. Today not so much. Tonight, kill me. I honestly feel so emotionally over it and it isn't just the pain from the PT session. I am exhausted at having to try to bloody hard at absolutely everything and even though I knew I would have to try and work hard at training, it just highlighted the fact that nothing in my life is easy right now and it hasn't been for some time. I would love to just be able to wake up and not have to struggle for an hour. I know I sound dramatic but I do struggle every hour of my waking life right now. I know I should be grateful that I am not worse off but frankly, I don't care about the starving, dying, sick, homeless, I just care about me and I have had enough. My life has to cha

What a miserable day to wake up to and have to get out of a warm bed and head to work. Well, I was so sleepy that i just maneuvered my way to the shower and got dressed without thinking. Had a cup of tea and went straight to the car by which time I may as well head off to work. I got to work early and no one was in the office for a good 30mins so I got a lot of work done. I then grabbed my coffee and my day was pretty good. My run home was even better. I started personal training tonight and I have to question why anyone would ask a fat woman to do squats considering the reason I am fat is because getting out of a chair is way to bloody hard. Good lord. Universe 1) I am grateful that I wake up at the point where it takes a lot longer to wake up so I don't realise what the time is until I am on my way to work. It is less painful that way. 2) I am grateful for the opportunity to drive to work this morning with my music going and even though it was raining, the trip was easy and r

What a wet dark cold snuggly kind of day today has been. I managed to wake up, go back to sleep, wake up, go back to sleep, wake up and go back to sleep all between 5am and 1pm. I woke up feeling rather yuck with a really upset tum, sore throat and with every part of my body aching so I was really grateful for the extra sleeps. I did some cleaning and caught up on my tv viewing before my younger sister and her family came over for a wonderful dinner. Roast beef, yorkshire pudding, peas, mashed potato and gravy, all made from scratch. So yummy. I am looking forward to my lunch tomorrow. Universe 1) I am grateful I didn't take my electric blanket off my bed a couple of weeks ago. I was very grateful to be able to turn it on this morning. 2) I am grateful for the much needed extra sleep I managed to get today. 3) I am grateful for the relaxing day I have had today in between giving my bathroom a much needed scrub. 4) I am grateful for my sister and her family visiting us for din

A gorgeous sunny day was there to greet me when I woke up this morning. I got myself sorted and decided not to look like a complete mess when I went to see Doogy so I wacked a bit of make up on just to give my complexion an even appearance. Went down a treat, but not so great because I convinced him to give me some meds to reduce the fluid retention caused by my nutter meds and then when I was in the chemist next door Doogy taps me on teh shoulder and decides that they are too risky and would prefer me to change the nutter meds after my next appointment with shrink. Ok, so I wasn't a happy camper however, I moved on to get my nails done and some male nob had me moved from my pedicure chair, which is the most comfortable and newest, because he was too embarrassed to get a pedicure unless it was up in the back corner, on my chair. I proceeded to tell him that if he was too embarrassed he needed to take his balls out of his wifes pocket and man up or fuck off ya pussy. It got a major

I decided to catch the early train this morning but I needed to get off a station before my stop because that particular train didn't stop at my stop. I waited and waited and waited only to catch the train I normally catch in the end anyway. Far from impressed to be honest. Today wasn't all bad though. Awesome sunny day. Got to see Irish because I gave a training session to a department, mind you I have been using this system for 3mths and most of them have been using it for 18mths, apart from Irish who started a week after me. Then I got coffee and toast from my cute cafe and Anna knows my order all ready. We went for a team lunch and the boss paid. We went to the cafe where I get my coffee which is a terrace house and they have paved the back yard to make an eat in court yard so we sat outside and it was a wonderful 90min lunch......I mean 30min according to the boss. Then my home trip was great because I got a seat on the train and I have the place to myself tonight. Unive

Happy Friday Eve. After having a pounding migraine last night, I took my mountain of meds and slept like I was in a coma for 8hrs. I woke up pain free-ish which meant I was quite able to go to work but boy have I experienced a level of exhaustion that I don't believe I have felt in ages. I still went for a walk even though I was close to passing out. It didn't help the exhaustion but I felt good that I had done it. I did come across a completely mental Nana today. She was bashing the button at the lights yelling 'Change. I have an appointment with Andre'. Not really sure who Andre is but I will assume it was her hairdresser. She looked like one of those nana's who gets her hair washed and set every week. I am home now, still with a headache but ever so close to going to bed. Universe 1) I am grateful that I had a really great sleep last night. 2) I am grateful that my headache was a lot better. 3) I am grateful that I was able to cope with the exhaustion level

Another early start because I wanted to drive in and what a brilliant run in again. Traffic was heavy but constantly moving and it was great. I have subletted (is that a word?) my parking pass to somebody who isn't eligable for one and since I use the space only 1-2 days a week and I get in early, I use the early bird parking. I managed to get the 1 out of only 20 spots left so I only paid $2.20 to park for the whole day. My work day was pretty good and I have booked 6mths worth of personal training. The only thing to spoil my day is this bloody migraine that is giving me grief. My left eye and arm aren't working and I am ready to throw up so I am far from impressed. Universe 1) I am grateful for yet another great run into work today. 2) I am grateful I was able to get a cheep parking spot this morning 3) I am grateful for the multiple walks I went on today. I needed to get out of the office in the morning so I went to get a coffee quite a way away from the office, and the

I had to drive to work today which didn't freak me out too much since I used to drive to that location quite a bit. I was so lucky to get a good run. Friends of mine took twice as long to get to work this morning so I was very lucky indeed. It was such a doona day today. Cold wet, very grey and the day was calling 'jump into a warm bed and watch dvd's'. Anyway, I managed to get quite a bit of work done and the rain stopped long enough for me to have a walk at lunch time which was great. Universe 1) I am grateful I didn't look at my clock when my alarm went off and that I forgot it was 5:15am and not 6:15am. I jumped out of bed and went straight for the shower. I could have easily stayed in bed another hour. 2) I am grateful that I was ready quickly enough to have breakfast at home. 3) I am grateful I made a cup of tea to enjoy on my way to work and that I had my music going on my IPhone. 4) I am grateful I had such a good run in to work this morning. Thank you

This week brings with it a new office space, new office location, new suburb, new staff member, new coffee shops, new walking paths to explore, new team member, new work station neighbors and I had a bit of a freak out. I have never coped well with change and with my recent issues around navigating new places, I have done well not to need hospitalization! A little bit of an over exaggeration but I did feel uneasy all day. I am quite impressed though that I managed to get home in one piece and not get lost. Universe 1) I am grateful that I didn't have a complete meltdown with the newness of everything. 2) I am grateful for the sunshine today 3) I am grateful for my walk during my lunch break which helped revive me for the afternoon 4) I am grateful that I got some important work completed today. 5) I am grateful for the odd things I manage to observe and that I find hilarious. It keeps me amused quite often. 6) I am grateful I am ready for bed. Blessings

After the sleep of the damned, I woke up feeling reasonably well rested but still sore in my legs and arms and now my teeth really are giving me grief. I must do something about that. Pain killers are a great way to start the day. My sister brought her brood over because she was going out for her once in a year day without her kids for the golf widows luncheon. She needed my help with one of my convertible tops and I added some splash with extra make up and some bling. She looked great, and she felt great (she said so) and she ended up having a really fabulous time. The kids were really good actually. We cleaned my music room/office, and the 2yr old, 12yr old and I made 2 slices and they turned out fabulously and it kept both of them occupied for quite a while. Now I am preparing for another early night ready for work in the morning at my new office location. Universe 1) I am grateful I woke up rested this morning. 2) I am grateful there was a lot less wind today although the snow

Boy, there are some days when you feel like the life has been completely drained from you and today was one of those days. I woke up in immediate pain. My throat was burning like I had swallowed a cup full of razor blades. My thighs and shoulders felt like they were on fire, and they still do, which I know is a real return of PMR. PMR is an old lady disease which just thrills me to pieces and hurts like hell. It goes in and out of remission and I guess it felt like paying me a visit. Not only that was painful today but my head hurts. Not a migraine but it just feels like my brain has swollen and pushing against my skull and then there is my teeth that are aching. Anyway, no point complaining so I took my meds plus pain killers and moved to the couch which is where I have stayed most of the day. I dare not go outside for fear the Lollipop Guild from Munchkin Land would be outside my door to greet me. It was so bloody windy from early morning, which woke me up for a while, and although i

Another Friday arrived as it should when I woke up this morning an hour before my alarm thanks to my bladder. Yes, fantastic. Of course waking up and having to make my way to the loo and back again meant I couldn't go back to sleep for the hour, but, it was a Friday. Friday's seem to come and when they do, we are all 'Oh thank fuck' or 'Oh wow, I am so glad Friday is here', like it is a shock that it is Friday because it may or may not come around. I mean, it is quite possible that we will go to bed on Thursday night and it will be Saturday when we wake up. Today was a good Friday actually. I had a 90min meeting and I was praised and thanked for my outstanding skills and effort for 2 projects I am running and because I got a coffee after I logged on this morning (yes, the rort of signing in, logging on and going for coffee without having done any work) by the time my meeting finished, it was lunch time, and I got back in time for another meeting for 30mins, then

The impossible is possible. The Chilean miners who were given up for dead, found, and it wasn't thought they could be rescued anytime before Christmas are now home with their families. Nobody thought it would be possible for these miners to be alive let alone be rescued and home to spend Christmas with their families. It is proof of how strong the human spirit can be. These men have survived. I find that remarkable. Anything is possible Universe 1) I am grateful that the Chilean miners are now with family. I am also grateful that I have taken away the message that anything is possible. 2) I am grateful for the amazing weather we had today. 3) I am grateful for the walk I went on and the fact I didn't feel affected by the heat. 4) I am grateful for the innocent banter with Irish. It is going to be great working in the building across the road. I can see our firs coffee 'date' lol, could turn into regular catch ups. It is nice to have somebody at work that you conne

I have had a shocker of a day today. It has been one of those days where I want to cry but I am worried that if I start, I won't be able to stop. Somebody really pissed me off today with their fucking ignorant mightier than though attitude about these kids that have been ending their lives because the bullying has become too much. He says that they need to toughen up and confront their bullies and get over it. Fuck it makes me mad. These kids get bullied to the point where they end up with a mental ILLNESS. Cancer kills people and you don't tell them to pull your socks up and get over it, and mental illness kills people. No difference. I know for me that the 'thoughts' are not very far away and can crop up anytime I am vulnerable and those thoughts are caused by the illness and not by me being weak. So that had me in a bad mood, but the crying thing was something I woke up with. I forgot to take my meds, which just happens to be the big dose, this morning but I know tha