Dare2Diva is Grateful

My mind has been going at what seems like 100miles an hour the past few days and today it has been even worse. Now, I can't say that my mind is racing with its usual basket of negativity. My mind has just been working overtime in imagination. Not good, not bad, just quite vivid and rather amusing. I feel the need to mention this here because all the while I know and understand that these experiences are just caused by my vivid imagination, I am fine. It is when I can't tell the difference or don't feel the need to question its reality that I need to worry. There are many things about this illness that I enjoy, many things I don't and many things that piss me off and the biggest one is the constant checking of my emotions, feelings, experiences to make sure that I am not heading into a psychosis or spiraling out of control. When I think about it, it is a pointless exercise if the sole purpose is to notice when I am not doing so well and go and get some help. When I am at

I can't believe that this week, although it was a 3 day week for me, has been the longest week for a very long time. Everything seemed to have gone wrong at work and I spent most of my time sorting out other peoples shit. Today was no different to Wednesday except that I had to do all of it with a migraine so hearing people piss and moan about stuff really isn't welcome when I have a tribe of African drummers in my head and my stomach feels like I have morning sickness for 6 babies all at once. Good grief. A good thing did happen today though. I passed my work probation with exceeds expectations which is fabulous. Universe 1) I am grateful I was able to get out of bed and head to work today. 2) I am grateful that I didn't throw up today. 3) I am grateful for the walk I had today which got me away from stupid annoying people which helped my headache. 4) I am grateful for the goulash and mashed potato I had for dinner. I am not feeling so great now but I was really hung

I had to have the day off work today. The migraine that decided to come on board yesterday over stayed its welcome. There is no way I could have gone to work at all. The left side of my body is affected so I probably wouldn't have made it past the station car park. I did manage to sleep a little longer than usual which was great. I popped down to see Dr Doogie and I honestly think I have a crush on this dude. Well, lets just say, I have a crush on the whole caring nature thing. Basically, I would love to have somebody take care of me for a week or so. I think that is more to the point really. Mind you, I have always had a thing for the medical profession. I swear I should have done that medical degree and not moved back to Sydney to be with 'IT'. What a waste. Anyhoo, that is another story of regret which will do me no good to look back on. Universe 1) I am grateful that I was able to take the day off knowing that although I have work needing to be done, that I have the

We all know I am officially nuts and I have just reinforced that diagnosis. I woke up at 5am, was at the gym and on a treadmill at 5:35, off treadmill at 6:30, had a shower, dressed, make up and hair done and I was on a train at 7:40 and at my desk by 8:30. A lot can happen in 3hrs. By the time i got to work, my head was pounding which I thought was a fluid salt imbalance. With the lithium I take for the bipolar, I have to ensure I keep hydrated well enough and keep my salt intake at a constant level otherwise I can suffer issues with toxicity. Keeping this in mind, I grabbed a banana on my way to work and drank a bottle of water which washed down some pain killers. The pain killers etc worked somewhat but it only kept the headache at a dull thud rather than a mind blowing pound. The mind blowing pound occurred about 30mins before home time. Anyway, I managed to get a fast train home which was great considering the whole population of Sydney seemed to be crammed on my train. It is an e

The day started well. I had a day off so I had a lazy-ish morning then headed out to the gym. I managed to do 2.5km's in the same time that I did 2 in yesterday so that is great. I then came home and did a bit of sorting then off teaching and home again. I don't know why it happens, but just when I am starting to feel that I am getting on top of things I have a set back, yet again. I am so incredibly angry tonight it is just out of control. I am taking an extra one of my sedatives tonight just so I can get calm enough to sleep. I just wish I could run away and just take care of me. I don't want to have to be responsible for anyone else, but I seem to feel responsible for almost everyone in my life and I just can't take it anymore. Universe 1) I am grateful that I had the day off today, although I can't wait to get back to work. I need the structured chaos. 2) I am grateful I went to the gym today by myself. I did well again and really wish I went tonight but pla

It is a public holiday today and it was great not to have to go to work in such miserable weather. I also have tomorrow off which is great. I finally joined up to the gym. I am not using it to lose weight. Clearly, I have too many psychological issues around that so I don't want to set myself up for failure again. This is to increase my fitness and improve my psychological resilience. I did pretty well. Actually, I really surprised myself. I did 40mins, 2km's on a 3 incline, and got up to 4.2km/hour but tended to hover around 3.5 which is great. I also wore my special gym shoes which apparently make your legs and muscles work harder and I don't know if it is the shoes or the actual fact I did that walking but blimey my legs hurt. I am looking forward to going back tomorrow. Universe 1) I am grateful for the lazy morning. 2) I am grateful for the coffee I had this morning. I know that doesn't seem like much but seeing I haven't have coffee in around a month, it w

Daylight Savings started today. I love this time of year. It is great to get home and it still be light for a couple of hours. Shame it was cold rainy and miserable today but I am looking forward to our first sunny daylight saving evening. Universe 1) I am grateful that I don't get affected by the daylight savings change. I know it tends to muck a lot of people around 2) I am grateful I was able to enjoy watching 'The Lovely Bones' on dvd with my younger sister and younger niece. Awesome movie. 3) I am grateful that pa was enjoying time with his grandson. 9 books later, and poppy was over it but Olli helped him read some of the books. The joy on both their faces was priceless. 4) I am grateful I was given a concert by my 2yr old nephew. He was singing twinkle twinkle whilst playing the piano. Just gorgeous. 5) I am grateful for a quiet night tonight. There is nothing much on tv so I will go into my room and start deconstructing it. I need to re-arrange my room to giv