Dare2Diva is Grateful

Today is the first day of the new year and the new decade. I am not going to allow this year to be anything but an improvement on the previous few. I have been trying so hard to exist and that is all I have been able to cope with but this year I need to try harder to live rather than exist. I can do it I just need assistance to formulate a plan and I should have that soon. Universe 1) I am grateful for yet another amazing sleep in this morning. I must get to sleep much earlier tonight so I can get up early tomorrow. I plan on getting washing done followed by some shopping. 2) I am grateful I was able to spend the day with my family. My lil sis and her family and pa and I got into the family 'bus' and headed to my older sisters place to sit outside in the shade, chatting and munching while the kids swam. It was a great day. 3) I am grateful that although it was around 38 degrees Celsius (100F) we didn't feel the heat at all. It was just beautiful under the trees with th

Today sees the end of 2010 and what a hell of a year it has been. I am glad to see the back of it. I have been socially isolated (this is my own doing and my only way of coping) and my online 'friends' have provided a break from this isolation. My younger sister and her kids have provided me a reason to live and my new job has been a refuge where I can occupy my mind with things other than my negative thoughts in a safe and calm environment where I am valued and work life balance is respected. I have found a GP and a Shrink that I trust and while I am having trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I have to trust that there is one. Universe 1) I am grateful that it was cooler over night so I could get a reasonable sleep. 2) I am grateful that 2010 is over. I can only believe that 2011 is going to be grand. 3) I am grateful for the online friendships I have made this year. They have given me a break from my loneliness whilst still staying personally safe. 4) I a

I managed to get to sleep before 1am this morning so that is a good thing. I woke up to my little sister and my little nephew. You can't help but wake up with a bit of a smile when the little one says very excitedly 'Mummy, Tarny's awake now'. Bless him. Yet another day of thinking way too much and I have a very long list to chat to the therapist about let me tell you. I did make a break through though. I turn 40 in 2 months and essentially, I have lived half my life according to statistics. If I look at things realistically, 18yrs of that has been my childhood so that doesn't count so really I have lived my own life for 22yrs. Take 4 yrs for uni, 7yrs with it and another 15 yrs living with an undiagnosed/incorrectly diagnosed illness and I haven't really lived at all so the next 40yrs of my life I can start to plan my life the way I want it. I just have to work out what I want. My life isn't over, it is just beginning. That may sound dramatic but it was a b

After a very sleepless night and a lot of laughs via the facebook comedy store, ie status comments, I finally got to sleep around 4am then awake again at 8 and phone calls from work started at 8:30. Again, I have had a lot of thinking time and I really need to talk a lot of this stuff through so I will sort that out at some stage. It was a glorious sunny day today which was really nice but I have to leave the house tomorrow or I will set in stone. Universe 1) I am grateful I had some online company last night while I was awake. It meant that I had a bit of a giggle rather than lie awake hating the fact I couldn't sleep. 2) I am grateful I finally got to sleep. 3) I am grateful I was able to sort out the work issues over the phone and didn't have to go in today. 4) I am grateful for the sunny weather today. Much warmer than the past few days. 5) I am grateful I have had peace and quiet for most of the day to be calm. I need that alone time. Blessings

Just a short entry today. I'm not feeling so great today so I'm digging deep for this one. Universe 1) I am grateful it was cooler again last night as it made sleeping much easier. 2) I am grateful I didn't have to go to work today and deal with this headache. 3) I am grateful I have had another opportunity to rest. In many ways, I want to go and do things and get back to living but I have needed to recharge my batteries and so that has been my priority. 4) I am grateful for the hilarious conversations over facebook late last night. 5) I am grateful I am allowing the negative thoughts to happen, because there is no point in fighting them, but I am finding it a little easier to ignore or dismiss them. I can't fight this anymore. I just have to find a way to live with it. Blessings

A public holiday today and such a great feeling not to have to rush to get to work. My youngest niece decided to play sleep overs and we did a bit of shopping, I actually visited her mum for a coffee, rearranged my music room to give me more space and caught up on a bit more tv viewing. All in all, a good day. Universe 1) I am grateful that I didn't have to rush to work this morning and deal with traffic. 2) I am grateful for yet another sleep in 3) I am grateful for the company of my niece and her help today. 4) I ma grateful I had the parking fairies on my side today. No troubles what so ever. 5) I am grateful I live in Sydney at the moment. We have snow in Tasmania, floods in Queensland and norther NSW, threats of bush fires in Western Australia so although it is a little colder than usual in Sydney, it seems to be the pick of the bunch. Blessings

Another sleep in has made me feel less exhausted which is good. I must get myself doing something tomorrow because I have had too much thinking time the past couple of days and that just isn't healthy for me. The younger sisters family popped in for a cuppa and cake which was nice and the rest of the day I have spent catching up on tv that I had recorded. I think the plan for tomorrow will be to do a bit of a clean up and arranging in my music room before heading out to do a bit of shopping and then back to start sorting my room. I need to move things around and transfer my wardrobe to my music room because I just have too many clothes to keep in my tiny room. I think the disorganization in my room is a reflection of the disorganization in my head so if I can get one right perhaps teh other will follow. Universe 1) I am grateful for a refreshing sleep in again today. I have really needed to recharge my batteries. 2) I am grateful for a relaxing day of tv watching. 3) I am grat