Dare2Diva is Grateful

I got a small sleep in this morning so that was wonderful. I stayed in bed until 10 though and decided to watch The Kings Speech again as I don't have a lot of recall from last nights viewing. Brilliant movie. I got out of bed to a beautiful sunny day. I went to get a bit of shopping done and managed to get everything I needed which was great. A visit from my younger sisters family so the boys could do the lawns and my niece decided to stay and make truffles. A cheats truffle but a truffle all the same. She did a great job. I have had a day where calm has been my focus and while I am still a little edgy, I am feeling much better than I did earlier in the week. I don't feel so out of control. I hate the word control. It conjures up so many negative feelings for me and yet without control in my life, negativity is the end result. A double edge sword. Anyway, I keep trying, plodding along and coping day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute what ever works for me at the time. U

I don't think I have been this grateful that today is Friday in a very long while. After another restless night, my alarm went off at 6am. I just couldn't face the morning so I decided to close my eyes for 5mins. 45mins later I woke up and didn't rush. Thanks to leaving later I actual got to work at my usual time even after stopping to fill up my petrol/gas tank. I had a meeting with our new GM today and I had to do the whole disclosure thing again. I was surprised. He has managed people with mental illness before and he knows about bipolar and he said any issues to see him. If I get hassled for taking time off or leaving early, to see him. Brilliant. He suggested I get together an emergency 'what to do' card for my boss and for him (GM) too. A brief explanation of what the symptoms of mania and depression are, when to worry, what to do when concerned, what to do when I am out of control, who to call, my GP's name, list of meds etc so that if I do get to a stage

I don't want to whinge but being my first day back at work after the meltdown, it was a hell of a day. I did have a productive meeting though. Apparently, I am extremely knowledgable according to a senior dude from my department and I wasn't even firing on half my usual cylinder count. My boss was acting all weird on me and I have to meet with him for 'coffee' on Monday to discuss stuff. I felt so stoned that I don't think I accomplished much at all but I did go on a walk which was good and the weather was great. Universe 1) I am grateful I allowed myself an easy morning to get ready for work. 2) I am grateful for the vanilla malt milkshake I had for breakfast this morning. I know, milkshakes aren't ideal but I needed sugar and feel good food and that was it. 3) I am grateful I had a productive meeting today even though I was completely stoned 4) I am grateful for the walk I had at lunch. The sun was shining and it was lovely. It is important that I get a

Another tough day to be grateful but I am trying. I woke up, didn't go to work, and it was nice and sunny so that was a bonus. I went teaching during the day to distract me from my issues which was good although I feel a bit of a fraud teaching when my head is elsewhere. The kids do well even when I am absent so I guess I have taught them well up until now. I am blown away by the support I have received from friends and most of those are my yet to meet friends. I know I push my friends away and I now know that is because I have a disconnect when it comes to making connections with people. I make and form connections when I am face to face with people, but the minute they aren't around, I lose that connection. It explains a lot and my past also explains this disconnect. I just have to learn how to build those connections again but that will take time. Anyway, rambling again. Universe 1) I am grateful for the sunshine I woke up to this morning 2) I am grateful I was able to s

Tough to be grateful today. I woke up and felt like I was in crisis so I rang the crisis team who promptly told me I needed to see my shrink psychologist and gp because I could go private rather than use the public mental health system. Managed to see my GP who saw me when I was pretty bad to be honest. I was shaking still from yesterday, had difficulty breathing and my brain was all over the place. After a hug and a guided meditation, I was feeling a bit better, thinking a little clearer and know that there are only a few people that I can trust to help me in situations like I am in and my GP and my psychologist are the only 2. I am on more antipsychotics to help calm me down a bit more. Then you wouldn't believe but the mental health crisis team called me at 6pm tonight and they want to see me ASAP. They have got to be fucking kidding. They didn't give a shit when I really needed them because I felt unsafe and now when I am doped up to the eyeballs, and safer they want to see

The day started well. Last morning of freedom so I took it easy. My sisters car died so I picked her up at 7am came home got ready and then picked up my niece and nephew for the school run. I dropped my nephew off and grabbed myself a coffee and my niece a hot chocolate before dropping her off and getting to work in record time. I managed to get a lot of work done today. It was great to see my boss back. I went and did a bit of shopping, and then when I got back, my boss dropped it on me. Brudy Ridicurus woman made a complaint about me. I make too many personal calls which are distracting, (I make 1 10min max call a day) I am too loud, including typing too loudly, I am unprofessional and my fan is distracting. I use the fan because my medication gives me hot flushes. How dare she. I lost it. I had to leave the office. I came back and had to leave for the day. I was so angry that I was ready to pick up my scissors and stab her and I was almost hyperventilating. Just ridiculous. I am tak

I had so much trouble sleeping last night. Yesterdays psychology session really sent my brain into over drive and meltdown. It also doesn't help that my night meds that usually send me to sleep really quickly has been changed to a slow release tablet which of course doesn't hit me so quickly. Anyway, enough of that. My day was spent enjoying my last taste of freedom before my father returns home tomorrow. I did all of my washing, including my bed clothes, went shopping and visited my younger sister for a cup of tea before heading home and making a casserole, doing more washing, putting my electric blanket on, with help from my youngest niece, and watching tv trying not to sleep in the glim hope that I will be able to sleep tonight. Universe 1) I am grateful I didn't have to get up for work today after a lack of sleep last night. 2) I am grateful for my tea and honey crumpets for breakfast this morning. I really enjoyed it. 3) I am grateful the headache I woke up with w