Dare2Diva is Grateful

I had to think about what day it was today. Easter always confuses me and with the dopiness that I am experiencing at the moment, what hope do I have. My sister took me to the dentist for a follow up visit. No infection so all good. I was in the chair for about 2 mins total so I am glad my 40min trip wasn't wasted. I bought 3 pairs of shoes for winter which after the discounts due to the sales, cost me $150 all up. SO thrilled. A black leather pair of wedges, a grey suede pair of wedges and a black leather pair of ballet flats. They are all so comfortable. I couldn't believe the wedges. I am tall and I tend not to like to wear a heal and I feel quite uncomfortable and unsteady in them but these are gorgeous. A snooze and visit from my sisters family so the kids could colour eggs rounded out the day. I am loving my niece and nephews at the moment. My niece is so grown up and makes me laugh and the 10yr old nephew is really starting to shine and the little one is just precious. I

Today is Good Friday. Not sure why it is good because the reason we 'celebrate' the day is because Christians believe that Jesus, the son of God, died on a cross to save our souls. Sure he rose again on Easter Sunday but why is dying good? Well, this has been a question that has plagued me for years. Dying is a great way to stop emotional pain, struggles, emptiness, heartache, and then physical pain. Of course today I was being dramatic about wanting to die to stop the pain of my mouth which feels like I have been hit in the face by a baseball bat and being made to chew on ice cubes but the other reasons really do envelop my thoughts almost on a daily basis. Even when I am well, it seems preferable to die happy than to have to go through the shit again. So today has been quite a miserable day but I will get over it as I usually do. My sister and niece came over today and I did get a laugh. Firstly though, I saw my niece in her new outfit for her aunty's wedding and I almost

Who on earth would have thought I would have had a good day today? I am an extreme dental phobic and with my mood unstable, I really thought I would be freaking out. I got in there and my dentist is so lovely and the anaesthetist puts the cannula in my arm will the dentist is rubbing my shoulders. The drugs worked pretty quickly but because of my psych med regime, they didn't get me into twilight sedation but I was pain free and really relaxed so that was awesome. I had 4 teeth pulled in total. 2 were wisdom teeth and while I am in quite a bit of pain, I am feeling pretty good about the experience. I honestly thought I would struggle finding things to be grateful for today but I think I can find at least 5 without trying. Universe 1) I am grateful for my medication last night. I was really nervous but the meds enabled me to get a reasonable sleep. 2) I am grateful for the cup of tea and my ceremonious last supper of a hot cross bun for breakfast. So incredibly good. 3) I am gr

Stuff me if today wasn't a tough one. I got lost twice on my way to my sisters to pick up the brother in law and took 2 wrong exits taking him to work. I was lucky to actually get to my work without getting lost. Coffee and toast in the morning didn't help but it tasted good. I lost the plot with brudy ridicoorus woman and was promptly taken for a cup of tea to calm down. I also received numerous hugs just to keep me from hurting her. According to her, I am always wrong, I am dodgy in my work, I don't care and I have a bad work ethic. She needs a punch in the head but apparently I am not the person to give it to her. Anyway, a nice walk by myself at lunch helped a little as dd a few messages from one of my mad capped sweet friends. When I got home, I received an email from a yet to meet friend which was so amazingly lovely and honestly what I needed to hear/read and to get that from the queen of the Diva's was just amazing. Thank you my friend. Universe 1) I am grate

Another early morning wake up call but this time it wasn't a knock at the door. It was a wave of nausea that I dreamt about at 3am and I couldn't get back to sleep. Oh well. I have survived the day and although I nearly had a freak out the dentist just having the dentist put his hands in my mouth, I coped. I have to say this this dentist is even hotter than the previous. OMG. I will be stoned off my nut with him in the room. I had better apologise for any inappropriate advances prior to the drugs! Everything is annoying to me at the moment and I am glad we get a week off over easter. I will be sad sore and sorry for myself having 4 teeth ripped out of my mouth so it will be a good time to rest up and stay away from people. Universe 1) I am grateful I woke early and I have made it through the day. 2) I am grateful I got to see Irish today even if he was a bit cranky, not being a morning erosion. He did look hot in his pink shirt. 3) I am grateful I was able to leave work ea

Happy 400th Birthday to me. 400 grateful entries. I still find it amazing that I have kept doing this and although at times it doesn't feel like it, I know it helps me. Tonight my head has been running a marathon of thoughts which I can't make sense of but everything is loud and bright and overwhelming. The gorgeous eots tried to distract me with a 'lets do something' but night meds stopped that fun. I'm off my face meaning my care factor is rapidly approaching zero but my brain is still going. I feel hot so I have my fan on but the noise of it is sending me deaf. The bedside light needs to be on while I type but the light is too bright and my nails are too loud. Universe 1) I am grateful I woke up early and was able to take my brother in law to work. 2) I am grateful I got to work in 35mins which is a all time record, meaning I could leave early. 3) I am grateful I had plenty of distractions at work today because my efficiencies of last week has meant I have v

Wow. I had the sleep of all sleeps last night. I was in bed and asleep around 9pm and I woke up at around 6am, then asleep again until 7:30, when my alarm went off because I forgot to cancel it, and then I went back to sleep and woke up at midday. Unbelievable. I am still tired but I am glad I had the sleep though. I will be catching up quite a bit next week after I get some teeth pulled. Not looking forward to that. I had done way too much thinking today and I have realised that there must be something seriously wrong with me that I don't think can be cured with medication or therapy. I can't have relationships with people because I don't connect with people. I don't think I can love anyone because I don't connect with them. Surely, connection means that you feel something when they aren't there but I don't. Even with the ex 'it', I couldn't feel anything for ohm unless he was with me. I hated him because of what he did not because he broke my h