Dare2Diva is Grateful

I am pathetic and so over life right now I can't stand it. I was all ready to go to my dear friends birthday party and I drove all the way to the city and got completely lost and sorted myself out and was on track and then I got lost and was on a freeway where there were no signs and no indication of where I was and my phone couldn't pic up where I was either. I had to pull over while I attempted to breath again. I finally got myself together and ended up in the city, going through the harbor tunnel, which had me on the verge of another panic attack, and 3.5hrs later, I ended up home. I am still shaking. I won't get behind the wheel of a car for quite sometime I should think. I am finding it so hard to be grateful right now, but here goes Universe 1) I am grateful for the opportunity to get my nails and feet some today. 2) I am grateful for the attempted snooze I had today. I was able to watch some episodes of Will and Grace in bed which was nice. 3) I am grateful for

I have had a mixed day today. It was a beautiful day outside with the temperature nice and warm so I took myself off for a 1 hour walk during lunch. I woke up with a migraine at 2am this morning but by the time i got to work the second lot of painkillers kicked in. I have been engaging in negative talk quite a bit today and it is funny that I don't actually become conscious of it for ages. I have been beating myself up over not being able to stick to losing 40kg for my 40th. I hate the fact that I haven't been able to find an outlet to be out of control in that is safe except for food otherwise if I had to control my food as well, I would be a psychological mess. My shrink told me not to start at the gym until my blood levels of my meds are stable because exercise and the associated sweating can mess with the levels. It hasn't stopped me from walking for at least an hour a day but that isn't the point. I feel ugly at the moment. My skin isn't so great this week (ano

I had to see my shrink this morning and good news and bad. Good news is that I have to reduce my dose of meds because of the shaking (really hard to put contact lenses in when your hands shake), major fluid retention and slowed thinking. Bad news is that my blood tests show that I ma not taking anywhere near enough so I have to reduce to get my body used to it and then increase to even more than I am on now. Oh well, what can I do? I am so torn. I could go off it and risk rage outbursts but that would risk my job and I am doing so well there I don't want to spoil it. I will keep going with what Doc said until it gets too much. My emotions have been a bit low today but that will pass. Universe 1) I am grateful I got to see my shrink today and he listens to me and how i am feeling. He trusts me so I can trust him. Very rare in a shrink in my experience. 2) I am grateful for the relaxed trip into work today. 3) I am grateful that I have the back up of my boss when I come across i

It has been such a long day today. I was in a meeting room most of the day but I have achieved a lot and proven myself yet again. I will only do a short entry today because season 2 of Glee starts in 5mins and I am extremely excited. Universe 1) I am grateful that the train was late this morning because so was I. It meant I caught my usual train and got a comfy seat. 2) I am grateful for the chat I got to have on my way to work with a collegue that eliminated the need for a meeting on a very busy day. 3) I am grateful for a chat that I had with a collegue that started about work and ended with just a general chit chat. 4) I am grateful for what we achieved today in the all day meeting. 5) I am grateful that my final meeting of the day ended early 6) I am grateful for the chinese take away that is at the station. I was able to place on order whilst I was on the train, pick it up and then my sister turned up to take me home. 7) I am grateful for some peace and quiet to enjoy Sea

Quick post tonight because it was teaching night and it is late. Universe 1) I am grateful that I was able to have a little snooze on the train this morning. I was incredibly tired 2) I am grateful I had painkillers in my desk draw because I had a toothache and it has now gone. 3) I am grateful that today was a busy one. It meant that the day didn't drag on. 4) I am grateful for the training session today that allowed me to show off to my boss, my team and my trainers. I am not normally one to worry about that stuff but it is a boost to my confidence. I know my thinking is a little slow at the moment and that concerns me but this was a little boost for sure. 5) I am grateful for the joyous welcome I received when I arrived at my students house. It is so wonderful to be treated like family. It makes my long day worth it Blessings

I woke up early this morning because I am preparing for my early morning gym starts next week. I am planning on being at the gym when the doors open at 5:30am. I coped well with the 5:30am wake up so I will gradually work my way to the 5am wake up this week. I find this having to get used to an early start quite amusing because life BM (before meds) I would be awake around 4am and ready to go. The good thing about life AM (after meds)means I am not having trouble sleeping so that is a good thing. Universe 1) I am grateful that I wok up early this morning and it wasn't a chore. 2) I am grateful for the things I managed to get done and achieve today. 3) I am grateful for the yogurt and fresh strawberries I took to work today. It was so good and stopped me from buying junk food at 3:30 4) I am grateful for the unexpected message I got from a fabulous friend in the US. It was just a very short message but it made me smile and for that I am very grateful 5) I am grateful for that

It is Mum's birthday today. We have gone through 4 birthdays now and it still isn't any easier. If one more person tells me it gets easier with time I will seriously pull out the 'not guilty by mental illness' card and go postal. I am still angry at the apparent 'palliative care' that mum received. To the hospital she was in, palliative care meant a single room as far away from the nurses station as possible with an apparent silent buzzer and minimum staff. The specialist didn't come near her, the social worker didn't come near her or us once she was given the 'dying' label to wear like a pin on her night gown. To get an increase in morphine or a morphine pump was like pulling hens teeth on the weekend when she needed it because the 1st yr resident 'didn't want to give her an over dose'. My younger sister and I took it in turns at the hospital (when was when my ex decided to cheat on me because I wasn't there for him), because if